Non motorcycle related parenting question

[forgiven]

If you opened it you were warned so no complaining about the topic

Last night my son had 20 bucks stolen from one of his friends while he was at another friends house whose Dad is also a friend of mine.

Through piecing things together it was clear what happened and how it happened. My friends son had his wallet gone through but had no money in it. My friend was obviously furious and calls the parents of the kid who is the thief. Because he like myself opens his house to lots of kids and doesn't put things away just because others are coming over. Of course the kid tells the parents he didn't do it...now the drama.

I get informed of all this only after my friend confronts the other parents and creates a situation. His kid who had his wallet gone through but nothing was missing who was pissed originally is now saying it is no big deal along with others in his circle. My son now is made out to be the bad guy if he treats this kid any different because "it is no big deal" everyone is mad at me since I won't let the kid back in my house.

I am so mad I can't even see straight and I feel that everyone around me has lost their minds. How is it that my son could be a victim and now be treated like the big jerk.

My son is concerned about losing his friends because he just can't get past it and move on.

My opinion was 20 bucks is a cheap lesson that you have a friend you can't trust and to not have any dealings again. Unfortunately they are all on the golf team together and the thief's MO is to start badmouthing after he does something like this and he is never held accountable.

Since I see you guys have no problem blasting Glenn after he has done so much I figure you guys will give it to me straight, but I am so mad I sincerely don't know what to do. Figured you guys were unbiased, rudely honest so I thought I would see what I get back.

BTW I told my son to beat the piss out of him which got my wife mad too.

 

[jhendr3702]

get everyone in a room together and work it out.. kids and parents..

it will end one way or the other..

 

[nick H]

Since I don't have kids I went back to what would my mother say and I am +1 on beating the shit out of the thief

 

[bukwheat]

Well, I agree with both of those posts. Get the whole group of them together and beat the crap out of all of em...

 

[bowhunter007]

Having raised 4 teenage daughters, I've seen/experienced my unwanted share of drama. I too have had similar situations crop up over the years. Kids are kids, and are usually a chip off the 'ole block, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"...that sort of crap. I always assumed the worst, and hoped for the best with my kids. Most parents never want to believe their kids would steal, so I chaulk it up to "wearing blinders". After the smoke clears, will your friend "man-up" and get on with everyday living, and being your friend? Most of my kid's friend's parents didn't like me anyway(and I couldn't have cared less)...cause I didn't let my teenagers run completely loose. In the end your family is all your really concerned about. Does the rest really matter? I know it's more complicated than that. Just a perspective.

Concerning my kids:
I have 2 college grads, 1 finishing college, 1 has started college...I figure I did something right.

 

[desertgasser300]

I'm just a spectator!

 

[twowheels]

If you opened it you were warned so no complaining about the topic

Last night my son had 20 bucks stolen by one of his friends while he was at another friends house whose Dad is also a friend of mine.

Through piecing things together it was clear what happened and how it happened. My friends son had his wallet gone through but had no money in it. My friend was obviously furious and calls the parents of the kid who is the thief. Because he like myself opens his house to lots of kids and doesn't put things away just because others are coming over. Of course the kid tells the parents he didn't do it...now the drama.

I get informed of all this only after my friend confronts the other parents and creates a situation. His kid who had his wallet gone through but nothing was missing who was pissed originally is now saying it is no big deal along with others in his circle. My son now is made out to be the bad guy if he treats this kid any different because "it is no big deal" everyone is mad at me since I won't let the kid back in my house.

I am so mad I can't even see straight and I feel that everyone around me has lost their minds. How is it that my son could be a victim and now be treated like the big jerk.

My son is concerned about losing his friends because he just can't get past it and move on.

My opinion was 20 bucks is a cheap lesson that you have a friend you can't trust and to not have any dealings again. Unfortunately they are all on the golf team together and the thief's MO is to start badmouthing after he does something like this and he is never held accountable.

Since I see you guys have no problem blasting Glenn after he has done so much I figure you guys will give it to me straight, but I am so mad I sincerely don't know what to do. Figured you guys were unbiased, rudely honest so I thought I would see what I get back.

BTW I told my son to beat the piss out of him which got my wife mad too.

FIFY (I think).

If I understand the situation correctly I think it all hinges on whether or not the suspected thief suddenly has something on him that is obviously not his. An unmarked bill is hard to trace, but you could always set up your own little sting operation - take pics of serial numbers and then bait him with an open wallet on a counter or coffee table. If he goes for it and you can prove it, you're back to your original choices, but at least now you have solid proof. Even still, most lawyers are more than $20 an hour and I'd expect it costs more than that to bail somebody out of jail, so be careful ...

 

[3beejay3]

If you opened it you were warned so no complaining about the topic

Last night my son had 20 bucks stolen from one of his friends while he was at another friends house whose Dad is also a friend of mine.

Through piecing things together it was clear what happened and how it happened. My friends son had his wallet gone through but had no money in it. My friend was obviously furious and calls the parents of the kid who is the thief. Because he like myself opens his house to lots of kids and doesn't put things away just because others are coming over. Of course the kid tells the parents he didn't do it...now the drama.

I get informed of all this only after my friend confronts the other parents and creates a situation. His kid who had his wallet gone through but nothing was missing who was pissed originally is now saying it is no big deal along with others in his circle. My son now is made out to be the bad guy if he treats this kid any different because "it is no big deal" everyone is mad at me since I won't let the kid back in my house.

I am so mad I can't even see straight and I feel that everyone around me has lost their minds. How is it that my son could be a victim and now be treated like the big jerk.

My son is concerned about losing his friends because he just can't get past it and move on.

My opinion was 20 bucks is a cheap lesson that you have a friend you can't trust and to not have any dealings again. Unfortunately they are all on the golf team together and the thief's MO is to start badmouthing after he does something like this and he is never held accountable.

Since I see you guys have no problem blasting Glenn after he has done so much I figure you guys will give it to me straight, but I am so mad I sincerely don't know what to do. Figured you guys were unbiased, rudely honest so I thought I would see what I get back.

BTW I told my son to beat the piss out of him which got my wife mad too.

So, if I understand this correctly, one kid thought he was missing money, made a fuss, but turned out not to be missing anything. Then it turns out $20 was actually stolen from your son?
Then, the kid that stole it started deflecting attention from himself by bad mouthing others?(and has apparently done this before?)
If so, you are likely dealing with a sociopath(the thief). If what you say is true, the thief appears to know how to manipulate others to avoid being held responsible. (Had to fire a guy like that last year) Odds are very strong the thief will only get worse, unless he gets into intensive therapy & stays there. A severe beating probably won't effect change with this kid, as much as we'd all like it to. (He won't likely associate the beating with the thieving behavior, but will likely think he's now a victim of an undeserved beating). Just imagine what it will be like to face him on the other side of a court room as he attempts to lie and manipulate the court......he'll make your life hell.
Your son should avoid him like the plague & find new friends if need be. I'm not kidding about this.

 

[eff]

Your son should avoid him like the plague & find new friends if need be. I'm not kidding about this.

I have to agree with this. My 12 y/o started hanging with a few girls this past year (one she has been friends with since birth but went to different schools previously). These girls are in the "mean girls" group and cause a ton of drama. We don't need the drama they create and neither does my daughter.

Long story short is that after a very difficult time dealing with my daughters attitude and BS that was created through the friends she was hanging with she realized she needed to break away. I told her that she is making the difficult but correct decision. She has moved on to a new group of girls and life is much better for her in many ways. She learned a valuable lesson on how who you are associating with affects you, whether positively or adversely.

If the caliber of kids your son is hanging with isn't up to par, then he should look elsewhere. Fortunately it's only $20, but it's the principle and what is next?

 

[robicon]

There has been a lot of good and bad things said( in my opinion), and it is so much easier to give advice then take it. I know as a parent I always want to solve my kids problems ( which is my job right? ) or should I be there to guide and support my kids? The reality is that this is the world we live in, and it won't be the only time it will happen. If this was my son I would talk to him about it and explain his options and then support what ever in chooses.

 

[eff]

There has been a lot of good and bad things said( in my opinion), and it is so much easier to give advice then take it. I know as a parent I always want to solve my kids problems ( which is my job right? ) or should I be there to guide and support my kids? The reality is that this is the world we live in, and it won't be the only time it will happen. If this was my son I would talk to him about it and explain his options and then support what ever in chooses.

Again I agree. My daughter asked why we let her continue being friends with these girls and I told her that she need to learn for herself. I praised her for making the right decision.

 

[StuJohnson]

I'm just a spectator!

Hmmn that's funny... I am a "just" a spectator as well...

 

[eff]

Fixed your post for you.

Hmmn that's funny... I am a "just" a spectator as well...

 

[Moto7man]

Well, I agree with both of those posts. Get the whole group of them together and beat the crap out of all of em...

I agree with this approach b/c someone saw it go down and they are covering for the thief! A good beating then stay away from them....thiefs only get worse,IMHO.

 

[gasgasman]

There is no reason to have friends like this.
What's next, something major and ruin your son's life?

 

[forgiven]

Thanks for the insights. I am trying not to make any decisions while upset. I supervise in a highly technical field so it is my natural tendency to control everything. As funny as it sounds I didn't even consider advising and supporting. I think that makes the most sense for what has transpired and my sons age being 16. Thanks guys.